Do you ever have trouble making conversation with others even though you consider yourself to be an intelligent person? If so, this may puzzle you. You may wonder why you are so poor at making conversation with others. After all, you are very smart, and you know a lot of interesting things.
The truth is that many average people with average intelligence and average interests are much better at making small talk and have better social skills than people who are very intelligent. And many people who are very intelligent are extremely poor at making small talk conversation and may have poor social skills.
Why should this be? Here are some of the reasons why very intelligent, very creative people often have difficulty in making small talk conversation successfully:
1.) People who are very intelligent often have very high expectations for themselves in everything they do. They may be perfectionists who set very high standards for themselves at everything they do.
When they have to make conversation with other people they are so busy judging their own performance that they cannot simply relax and enjoy the conversation. Instead of enjoying the process of getting to know another human being through conversation, they become more and more nervous and tongue tied.
2.) Many people who are very smart have spent a lot of time trying to acquire intellectual knowledge and developing their brain power. But they have neglected other aspects of themselves.
For example, people who spend a lot of time thinking and learning may neglect to develop their social and emotional side. Perhaps they believe that developing their social and emotional side is not very important. Or they may feel that it is too late to try learn these new difficult skills. While they may be very comfortable discussing intellectual matters, they may not know how to become emotionally close to others.
3. ) Many very intelligent people may believe that they should only spend their time thinking about serious matters and talking about serious matters. They may think that talking about unimportant things is a frivolous waste of time.
Because most small talk is about frivolous and unimportant matters, people who tend to be very serious often feel that they should not waste their time on small talk. They may not realize that small talk is something that two people use to find out what they have in common.
Small talk helps to get the conversational engines going, and eventually some of your small talk will lead to deeper conversations and relationships. You often have to spend time on small talk with others before they let you in to other aspects of what they are really interested in. If you can’t use small talk effectively, you will have far fewer relationships.
4. ) Some people who are much smarter than average don’t want to indulge in small talk because they consider themselves to be superior to others. These people don’t think they should have to waste their time with anyone they consider to be merely average. These people are simply snobs.
5. ) Some very intelligent people who don’t want to talk to others are simply desperately shy. They may also be suffering from poor self esteem. Because of their extreme shyness or poor self esteem, they may feel that they have nothing interesting or worthwhile to contribute to a conversation. Having a lot of intellectual intelligence does not make you immune to poor self esteem.
6. ) In some cases, very intelligent people, particularly those who are strong in scientific and mathematical skills may have a condition called Asperger’s syndrome. Asperger’s syndrome may be related to autism.
A person who has some degree of Asperger’s may be extremely good at focusing on a scientific topic, but will be unable to understand the kinds of social interactions that most other people take for granted. People with Asperger’s may talk in a rigid, mechanical way, and be uninterested in other people’s emotional lives.
No matter how much intelligence a person is, if they lack social skills, it can hold them back in their social life and their career. If you are one of those people who is quite smart, but has problems with social skills and with making small talk, what should you do? Ask yourself whether you really want to improve your social skills. If the answer is no, then you don’t need to try to develop skills in this particular area.
However, if the answer is yes, the good news is that you really can improve your conversational skills and your ability to enjoy small talk, and have enjoyable social relationships with others. You will have to commit yourself to practicing new skills and new attitudes towards yourself and others. But with practice and commitment, you will be able to be much more successful in these areas of your life.
This article was written by self help author and conversation expert Royane Real. Want to learn how to improve your conversation skills? Download her special report "Your Guide to Making Friendly Conversation" at http://www.royanereal.com
http://www.buzzle.com/articles/why-very-smart-people-sometimes-have-poor-social-skills.html
